Day 10, Not so Lucid

9:16 pm

I think that dream took all my steam.  I was like an inflated balloon proudly floating above it all and then the dream came and now I feel nervous again.  Questioning my whimsical decisions. 

If anyone is reading I am going to let you in on a little secret, that’s how I will know who my true readers are.  I decided to take a sabbatical.  But you are not a professor, Olia Rights?  I think I deserve it damn it.  Elizabeth Blue started me off on writing with her blog imdoingitdammit.com well now there needs to be a blog ideserveitdammit.com.

Why do I deserve it.  Here are my reasons. 

1. I’ve worked 7 1/2 years on oliadesigns.com.  Started April 4, 2003, the day I quit Salomon Smith Barney.  If you subtract 2 months in Hawaii, 2 months in Costa Rica, 6 months in Miami, 4 months other vacations it turns out to be its about 6 and 1/2 years.

2.  God created for 6 days and it was good.  On the 7th day he rested.  We are created in the image of god.  I think my business is good but I must rest.

3.  Land has to lay barren for a year to be more futile.  If I let my business rest for a year, I will bare more fruits in the years to come.

I don’t like the list format.  Here is the thing,

There is a Russian joke my dad told me that I love.  There is a man sitting under a banana tree and eating a banana and a business man comes up to him and says “Why are you sitting under the banana tree all day?”  The man answers: “What should I be doing?” The business man says, “You can climb up and pick the bananas and sell them.”

The rest of the conversation goes like this:

“And then what?”

“Well you can get a cart and go every morning and pick the bananas and walk around the village selling them in your cart?”

“And then what?”

“Well you can use that money and buy more banana trees.”

“And then what?”

“You can then buy land and plant more banana trees and have people pick them and sell more bananas?”

“And then what?”

“You can get tractors and export bananas all over the world!”

“And then what?”

“Then you can sit back under a banana tree and eat your banana.”

I love that joke.

I keep making new designs that I love with all my heart and then I keep making newer and better and better and better designs.  And then what.  Then I get into press and I get into more and more stores.  And then what.  Then I hire people to get me more press and employees to make my jewelry and ship it.  And then what.  I get to be a famous jewelry designer.

After college, I went to Israel for 10 days and ended up staying 2 months.  That happens to me sometimes.  I love that kind of freedom.  It was the first awakening into independence.  College was continuation of high school for me.  More physical freedom but inside I did what I was told.  Finish and get a piece of paper that says I have a BA in Computer Science with a minor in Business.  It should have been a BS.

But in Jerusalem in the summer of 2000, I was free.  Really free.  I wore long skirts and mismatched clothing, I smoked weed with my 30 new friends at night behind the Kotel (The Western Wall).  I studied the Torah by day from two great Rabbis.  We talked about spirituality and mysticism, although not as often as I liked.  I wrote poetry and read it in front of the new group, exposing all my true feelings for them.  I was falling in love with life.  We danced and sang every Friday night.  I had small crushes but stayed focused on my inward journey.  I guess that explains why I wanted to keep kosher and Shabbath when I got back. 

One day we went on a trip to Safed, the center of Kabbalah, Jewish mysticism.  There, we went to see an Kabbalist Artist by the name of Avraham talk.  He talked about the importance on names and that names hold vibrational or energetic makeup of a person.  Well, at the end he demystified people’s names if they chose it.  I chose it.  My hebrew name is Zahavah.  Zahavah in hebrew means Gold.  The first thing he told me is that my challenge in life is to overcome physical gold and come into spiritual gold.  Pretty obvious right.  This didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me.  I didn’t have any money at the time and money was never my trip.  My trip was to be happy.  I guess that’s the spiritual gold.  Fate had it that I become a jewelry designer, therefore the metaphor become kind of literal.

I found a lot of spiritual gold in my years in Jewelry as well as a lot of physical gold.  But now I feel like I can move on and dig deeper for more spiritual gold.  I had to. 

That’s reason number 4. 

I don’t want to break my business.  I don’t want to throw out the baby with the bathwater.  I hate that expression.  Its not nice imagery.  I want my business to run without me for one year, while I become Olia Rights.

10:50 pm

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4:54 pm Day 9’s audio inspiration. Today I sang this in my head all day, try it. Its from music together and its going into the show at some point. I don’t know when but its in!

4:54 pm

Day 9’s audio inspiration.  Today I sang this in my head all day, try it.  Its from music together and its going into the show at some point.  I don’t know when but its in!

Day 9, Lucid Dream

4:54 pm

Day 9’s audio inspiration.  Today I sang this in my head all day, try it.  Its from music together and its going into the show at some point.  I don’t know when but its in!

I will add it later its great but on my other computer.

11:30 pm

Really cutting it to the wire on day 9. 

I had a Lucid dream last night.  I’ve only had 2 or 3 of them.  One in Brooklyn while going through a breakup, two in Hawaii, the land where energy runs wild and one last night.  I didn’t mean to get so spiritual so early on in this.  I was hoping for this to be a highly practical approach to writing comedy but it has its own force.

The point is, I think Lucid dreams only come to me at very critical times.  I will have to document this one here because I don’t want to forget it.

I went to sleep early and my husband came to bed later.  I was really tire but him coming to bed woke me up and I couldn’t get back to sleep.  Thoughts of things I had to do and didn’t do swimming in my head.  I got up and went into the living room for an hour and feeling my brain settled I came back to bed.  I closed my eyes and at that point I notice that my mind’s eye was pointing into a different direction.  When I close my eyes I feel like my mind’s eye is usually looking at a specific part of the brain that is in the front but this time it was looking at the right.  This was bothersome because I couldn’t get it to point the right way but then I noticed that everytime it did that I was seeing an glimpse of an image.  Some images were mountains shifting, some were rivers, all nature stuff.  This was strange and I started playing with it a little bit kind of blinking in the dark and looking there to see what I will see next.

I started to feel that I was dosing off and dreaming when I realized that I was in a dream.  I learned this from my past experience that when I can control a dream I pick something to do while I have the chance.  I always pick flying.  It seems like the most natural thing to do.  I started to make swimming motions and of course was instantly off the ground.  I flew across the city and a ravine, I couldn’t make out any specific locations.  I felt all the feelings like my stomach dropping when there was an especially large drop under me. 

I saw people bellow me on a hill and decide to go see what they were doing.  It seemed to me that they were also lucid dreamers.  I heard before of lucid dreamers getting together at night.  My focus fell on an older lady with a computer.  I asked her if I could use it.  I had a brilliant idea that I should use the computer to email myself so I can prove that this lucid land exists.  I am not sure what the logic was but I figured if I have an email address from lucid land somehow it would be obvious.  I looked at the screen and it was strange kind of like PCs have become to me after 7 years of my love affair with Macs.  I looked over and there was someone on the phone so I asked her if I could use the phone to make a call.  My second brilliant idea to call my phone from lucid land to prove myself that I was there and it was real.  The woman answered: “Yes you can use it but it only calls numbers that start with 666.” 

Trust me I know there is nothing funny about this story.  I set out to write a comedy but here I am sharing my inner life.  Now this is strange for so many reasons.  I have a thing for numbers, but never in my life did I connect to number 666.  Years ago after working at Henri Bendel selling my jewelry I had to go to their office on Fifth ave and I noticed their building number was 666 or something that had 666 in it and I thought “Wow, that is a crazy place to come to work every morning.”  That’s it.  I hate all scary movies.  I don’t watch anything that can even be put in disturbing category.  I also remember thinking long ago that 666 is a fictitious number made to scare people.

Anyway, at that point I got scared and had a thought that I may not come back from this dream.  I started breathing actively to wake myself up and within moments I felt the pillow on my cheek.  Sigh.  I relaxed and repositioned myself back to sleep.  When I closed my eyes….

ooh its 12:01  I missed the day 9 cut off, will my project gods ever forgive me.

When I closed my eyes, I was back in the lucid dream this time my husband was there with me in front of our house.  This was very relaxing to me because I figured now I we can explore together and I have nothing to be afraid of.  We started the swimming motions to fly and we were up up and away.  At that point, my 18 mo old son started screaming wildly.  He usually sleeps soundly through the night and this was probably 4 in the morning.  When he screams or even makes a slight sound, my insides turn inside out with pain.  Its hard to hear your son cry for a mom.  I am getting better at handling it but it still hurts.  This time though, his cry was muffled like it was far away from me.  I didn’t feel it in my gut, I heard it from a distance.

This woke my husband up and he made sure to wake me up.  It was over.

The question is, did he cry because we both left him and children are sensitive to that domain.  Did he cry because we were going to a bad place and he wanted to stop us?  What was that crazy place?  Am I hallucinating?  I am not on any drugs.

I think I have to start reading the Juan Castaneda books for some answers like my sister’s been telling me to do.  There is more to this, on Monday I met with this Russian healer who started doing work on me.  She is great and I felt the results of her work right away.  Strange stuff.  Probably not for the script.

12:10 am