Day 21, Last Thought

9:14 pm

Yura, my husband makes me aware to my inability to say no.  Sometimes when I get an invite to something I know I can’t go to it will take me so long to reply.  I hate saying no.  I love saying Yes so I say it all the time.  It gets me in trouble because eventually I have to say no or say yes but then dread that I said it and do it while dreading it, which is in my eyes the worst case scenario.  I am not lying when I say Yes but when I end up saying no sometimes, it means that I lied. 

So I am going to my rule that I got from a great life coach, Eli Davidson.  I think she is pretty famous now.  She said one week that I need to say no to at least 6 things a day.  Six things, I thought, that’s a lot of things.  I also do not want to do something, but I guess she knew me better.  Some things were simple like I say no to watching a movie tonight because I want to write in my journal.  Somethings had more ties, like saying no to a friends gallery opening because I know I have so much going on that week.  I did it for a week and it was remarkable, I still did a lot of stuff, but I felt space.

I guess its not the time that is lacking for me, its space in time.  Today I said no 4 times.  And I crawled with Isaiah on the floor for an hour acting like a big truck and then a choo choo train.  We laughed a lot.  Space.

9:35 pm

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Day 21, Almost Healed, 40 Day Experiments

2:13pm

Some days I wake up and I feel perfect, I have no problems.  I have food.  I have living family.  I have a home.  I have a husband.  I have health and pretty good looks.  So what is there to complain about.  Nothing.  Today was that kind of a day.  Its a sure sign that I am feeling better and my flu is quickly leaving me alone.

Yesterday and the day before was a different animal.  I sometimes think, well I must be a drama queen, but that is an understatement.  I am just acknowledging what is, out loud right now, but usually its happening inside quietly. 

So before I go off on another tangent, today’s assignment is list some experiments that I plan to conduct on myself:

1.  From yesterday’s post, talk only in active I.  Never say you when referring to myself.  Does that even make sense.  For example, I tend to say, ” You know how you feel strange around this person” instead of saying “I feel strange around this person”. Its cryptic language thing but if I experiment, I never know what can happen.

2.  Experiment with manifestations.  Everyday try to manifest something.  Anything I want that day.

3.  Treat people exactly the way I want them to treat me.  That’s right even that annoying tele marketer.  My ex roommate Stuart was always really nice to customer service representatives.   I used to love listening to him talking to Sprint or Con Ed.  I will channel him even at those moments when I want to tell them to stop calling me.  Do I want to be told to stop calling someone? 

4.  Do Zumba or another dance form for certain amount of time, maybe 2 times a week until I reach 40 times that’s 20 weeks.  That experiment can overlap others.  I think I want to start on this right away.

5.  Do one short video edit every week to get good at editing and therefore learn different angles of filmmaking.

6.  Play piano everyday for 40 days 10 minutes a day. 

7.  Keep writing about all the above, everyday for a half an hour.

8.  Cut myself off from the outside world for 40 days except for communication through this blog.  Oh I am so itching to do that.

Ok that is 8 things to start with.  8 is infinity for me.  So either this will take me infinite amount of time or this is work to be done infinitely or both. 

Then there are little everyday things that are ongoing:

9.  Play with Isaiah everyday like a child for at least 1 hour a day if not 8 hours on the days that we are alone, Tuesdays and Fridays.

10.  Be nice to my husband, really nice, 1 hour a day and do special things for him that he likes.

11.  Be nice to my immediate surroundings, myself included.

2:32 pm I will come back later tonight to finish