I danced at 9 am in the living room with Isaiah using my new $5 speakers for my iPhone. I didn’t have a play list ready so there is a lot of shuffling. For the first 5 minutes, Isaiah was thoroughly entertained then he started playing with his toys as I bounced around the room. I didn’t have many moves, mostly hoping around and pelvic pumps. The same thing happened when I started writing. At the end of my 30 minutes, “You should be dancing” by the Bee Gees came on randomly. It was a sign that this is perfect for me. Yes, I should be dancing and I am dancing. This added more excitement to my hoping and pelvic pumping. At the end I was sweaty and ready to face the New Year. Isaiah was also happy. A happy mommy means a happy baby. We got dressed, drank some water, and went to the playground.
Resolutions. I always find myself doing resolutions around this time of year. I love markers. Where was I last year? And the year before? And the year before? Last year, I was in Miami with Yura and baby Isaiah. We were trying to see if we want to live in Miami so it was another one of our experiments. I remember being torn and confused. I could not commit to a City. Commitment is happiness. My friend Tania did a radio show interviewing different writers, scientist and spiritual leaders on happiness. One of the findings she shared with me years ago in San Francisco was that commitment makes you happy. I thought about this for years now. Not knowing where we wanted to live made me miserable. I didn’t know where I would work, who my friends would be, what my days would be like. I am pretty adventurous but every adventure needs a base. This year of 2010 we found a base for our family, here in Kansas, I mean Brooklyn.
I am happy to travel now, knowing that I will be back in Park Slope, near the coop where I can get all my organic produce and get a walker to walk me home with my groceries, talk about GMO’s with someone in line, go to the park, music together, the Y, my zumba class, see my friends, say hello to my neighbors, drive to CT to see my parents, drive to PA to see my sister, drive upstate to swim in a lake in the summer, go to an improv show that I will like, take an improv class, go to BAM, sit in a coffee shop and write, go to my studio in Williamsburg, bump into people I know walking on the streets, look at faces I like in the subway, bump into Woody Allen, feel at home. 2010 the year of the Nest.
2011 is upon me. It is nothing just another day but I want this year to be a year of resurrection and renovation. Literally, we are renovating our new house. It is set to start in March. Now we are making the plans and the designs for what our house will look and feel like. How the rooms will be split up, what faucets, floors, tiles, ceilings, stairs and everything that we will have. It is some tedious planning.
Yesterday, my favorite mother-in-law (she likes her new name), gave me a little book to read. It was about propaganda Communism, written in 1958. In it she showed me two pages of how Communists planned to deteriorate other political systems. These were two pages of goal planning point by point. How to infiltrate everything from politics, to art, to education, to UN, every single standing and abstract structure that makes this country free. It even had a line about how to corrupt the idea of the founding fathers and make them seem dated. Unfortunately, some of it rang true to me even now. The same message I read in Ayn Rand’s Fountainhead, which I liked. I am not a Republican or a Democrat (although I vote democratic), just a seeker of truth and balance. I can see the points my favorite mother-in-law was making and they are completely valid. Except, I don’t think they are coming from any one party. They are coming from anyone who wishes to dominate people and take away their power in order to give themselves power. That person, unfortunately has many faces. It would make it nice if we can target that one evil group and by bringing them down. All of our problems would be solved but things are more complicated, I think.
Anyway, that’s not the point, the point is the careful planning for the renovation and for the communist party. Both are extremely specific. They didn’t say we will take over the art and create communist art. They said things like we will take away the existing sculpture replace them with meaningless forms. I think, this would be done to dumb people down and make them turn away from art and turn to the only meaning of their lives — the party and I am not talking about my dance party. In our renovation plans, we have to write down the exact measurements for the sinks in order to know if they will fit into our bathroom.
New Year the year of specifics. I can write, dance and I can resurrect with specific goals to renovate myself and to chip away at the stagnation, old useless habits, insecurities, and obstacles. I will be like the architect and the communist party, Specific.