Daily Archives: January 4, 2011

Dance Day 5, If you have a problem, I’ll solve it

9:25 pm

We are in Miami.

I got 99 views on my last blog entry today!  When I posted it yesterday a part of me was scared.  Is the “big brother” going to come after me.  Did I say too much?  I just scratched the surface about my angst against television.  I didn’t even dig into the reality shows or “American Idol.”  I want to so bad but I will resist the urge today.

To balance out yesterday’s vent I want to say that some of my favorite shows came out of television.  Seinfeld, the Muppet Show, Bugs Bunny, I Dream of Jeanie, Full House (kidding) but not a bad show if you are comparing to Jersey House Wives. I’ve never seen it but if it exists, I am sure that Full House is better.

My friend confided in me yesterday.  She also had an argument with her husband on New Years.  Misery loves company.  Its true, misery needs company.  Isn’t it nice to know that we were not alone going through it.

Isn’t it nice to know that you are never alone.

I didn’t want to dance today.  I put Isaiah to sleep after the day of traveling.  I am tired.  I had to do some work for Olia Designs.  I didn’t want to get up but I did it.  Thirty minutes and I feel better.  I don’t want to write either.  I just want to shower and get in bed, maybe read some of the Road to Feudalism Serfdom that I have yet to crack open.  Resistance.  Resistance is a funny thing.  Resistance is my main challenge in life.  I want to dance but the resistance says:  No one will ever know if you don’t dance one day?  What’s the big deal?  You traveled all day?  Are you going to be a dancer?  Why do you occupy your time with these stupid projects?  What are you doing all this for?  And it keeps going…

That brings me to my next point.  Being resistant and negative is cooler then being proactive and positive.  Being a know it all is worse than being confused and not knowing.  I recently ran into a new mommy like me.  She is also in a mommy group the same one but a month after mine.  I am in May moms and she is June moms.  She told me that she loves her mommy group because they are all clueless together.  She didn’t say those words exactly but that was the gist.  I notice that syndrome with mommies.  I am not a know it all.  I was more confused than ever when I was pregnant and when I became a mommy.  I asked millions of questions and still continue to ask them.  Being a mommy is a crazy learning curve.  Its learning how to raise a human being from scratch.  There are no perfect answers but there are answers.

I know that in the past mothers had to pretend that everything is perfect and they got everything under control even if inside they were desperate and lonely and had no idea what they were doing.  I think now the pendulum has swung the other way.  I am often confronted with complaining mothers.  He doesn’t eat, she doesn’t sleep, he is sick all the time, she is not walking fast enough, he is walking too fast.  I know there are real problems and I know its hard but I noticed a inversely proportional relationship between complaining and trying to get solutions.

I know if you are a mom reading this, you will probably get triggered but please don’t take it personally, this is my view-point and my view-point only.  The truth is as much as babies are different they are all kind of the same.  They all go through not sleeping phases and not eating phases.  My sweet friend Lisa, luckily had her son first.  She equipped me with tons of solid advice.  She gave me books to read before the baby, during the baby and she continues to enlighten me.  I listen.  I do what she tells me and it works most of the time.  I read all the books she gave me and they help.  I also have a mom and my favorite mother-in-law and a nanny who have a ton of experience.  They tell me what to do, if it makes sense and it usually does, I listen and I try it.  It works.  What kills me is the not trying mommies.  Their kids aren’t eating but then they tell me that they give them formula all day long.  I say, it obvious get rid of the formula and they will eat.  That puts me into the know it all category and no body likes a know it all.  Of course some of my friend ask me for advice and listen but some just stare at me with a look like “How dare I offer advice when they were just complaining.”  I should keep my mouth shut and say “Oh they are not eating, you should continue to suffer and make your child suffer along with you.”

But the moms is just a symptom of a bigger illness here.  It’s cool to be depressed.  It’s cool to be confused.  It’s cool to be angry at the world.  It’s even cool to be angry at people in the world.  It’s cool to be negative and isolated.  It’s cool to have a frown on your face.  It’s cool to have a life full of struggle.  A life that is exhausting.  A life that you don’t want to be having.  If you show motivation or excitement for life or too much positivity, you are probably faking it.  How could you be so happy?

One of my Atlanta Aunts was telling me a story about Pugacheva, basically the Madonna of Russian pop.  She was the main one and even in her sixties she dominates Russian Television.  She is on her 5th husband, who is half her age and for New Years they were interviewed.  In this interview she was saying how happy she is and how her joy is just bubbling over that she wants to share it with everyone.  My first thought was if she is not happy who is?  My second thought was… How staged?  Then I realized how deep the unhappiness disease has spread.

I am going to make a huge generalization but here it goes.  Our parents generation does not have that disease.  They have their own set of problems but not that one.  They are happy just to survive.  They came after World War II.  They came very close or remember first hand (especially my Russian family) what its like not to have food on the table.  What its like to stand in lines.  How hard you have to work just to survive.  We fortunately do not know this.  We have evolved but our evolution is in a painful stage.  We have no real reason to be unhappy but something is still missing.  Is it God?  Is it connection?  Is it Art?  Do we lack the expressed permission from our parents to do more than just survive?  What ever it is, its missing and we have a resistance to get off our ass and find it.  So instead of finding the solution we resolve to stay in it and nurture our miserable bond.

I hope it is a generational thing.  I hope our children are happy know-it-alls.  And if not know-it-alls, solve-it-alls.

11:15 am