Daily Archives: January 17, 2011

Dance day 14, All my fears are so far away


It’s hard to write while my husband is watching Riddik. We are in Utah. I didn’t post yesterday but I wrote. I will post it another time. The day is lost to yesterday and I have to type on Yury’s sister’s iPad. It’s like typing a giant text message on a giant iPhone. Not the easiest. We don’t have internet here. We have everything an outdoor/ indoor pool, outdoor jacuzzi, steam shower, ski out access, but no Internet. I wanted to fight it and buy it for 39.99 for a week that we are here, but I am going to resist. I lived without internet before and I can live without it again. People have even been creative without it before

In preparation for school, I will get off line for a week. I promise to do my writing and my dancing and I will be more enlightened by the experience. Balance.

The whole wide world is a very narrow bridge. A very narrow bridge. A very narrow bridge. and the main thing to recall is to have no fear, have no fear at all. That is my favorite niggun. Kind of a Jewish chant. Lots of repetition sung in groups like kumbaya my lord.

The thing about chants that makes them powerful is that every time you repeat it, it obtains more meaning. It goes deeper, in a spiral. Try it with my narrow bridge song. When I was in Israel, after discovering this niggun, I was confronted with a dark cave on cliff at sunset. I knew the cave was empty. I knew there was no prehistoric beast living in the cave and I wanted to go in. I wanted to have no fear at all. I sang the song and each time, the realization. There is nothing to fear. I mean it. I went in and then the fear came back and i ran out. Nothing happened.

Today I flew down a mountain on my skis. I forget how much I love skiing until I get up on a mountain. I love everything about it. The lifts, the clothes that actually keep you warm, the mornings, the afternoons, the views, even the rain that was coming down on us today. Everything looks beautiful from up there Before going, my nephew Natan started doing a little dance. He was saying “I am so excited to go skiing!” That is how I feel about skiing. Going down the mountain I was thanking my sister in my head for introducing me to this zen sport. I was writing my ode to her.

We travelled fourteen hours to get here, we missed our flight, we were in the airport with Isaiah for eight of those hours, and he never napped. Before leaving for this trip, I was fearing the long flight. I did not even imagine to fear what actually happened. It was worse, much worse and the people were meeting, were not nice or helpful. We were in some sort of purgatory. That’s what an airport is when you can’t fly out. The air was stale and I am not being poetic. I was worrying about a long flight? I would take two long flights over what happened yesterday.

My fear could not save me. My mom said on the phone that sickness is quickly forgotten. When I am sick, I feel that the world is ending and health is all I need and I will never complain again. I was thinking that yesterday too. Today it’s all forgotten. Today I feel only joy.

I cannot wrestle with this iPad. I am sorry. No wrap up. Have no fear and ski.
The end. See you in a week.