Today I had pain on my heart. When someone you love is suffering, it is hard to enjoy your day. I tried my best to distract myself with my busy day but I could not focus. Everything lost its importance today. We had a long appointment with the architect figuring out our kitchen. I am passionate about where to put the island but not today. I watched Yura and the architect make decisions. I agreed to everything, I just wanted it to be over.
The first thing I want to do when someone is suffering is get them out of suffering. I want to help them to make it stop. In this situation, I can not help. I can be there for them. Be there for me. My friend Lisa was there for me when I had a hard break up. I went to her house to sleep over and just hang out but I got emotional and she stayed up all night talking to me while I cried. I cried and cried and cried. We went to bed at 4 am. In the morning, I felt better.
Otherwise being there is just a figure of speech. The only way Lisa could be there for me is because I was willing to open everything up to her. If I did not bare my soul to her that night, she would not be able to be there for me, even if she was there. It feels good to be there for someone and it feels good when someone is there for you. One way that I know that I am not there is if I am trying to be there, but it feels like I am so far. That is how I know I am not there. I am here.