I can blame it on loosing an hour, I can blame it on the fact that we were traveling all day from NY to Miami, I can blame it on my utter exhaustion. But I will put in my half an hour a day, dammit. I was almost going to skip writing today and blame it on those things. I was thinking, no one is reading this thing anyway, so no one will even know that I made a promise yesterday to write everyday in Miami. Well, my favorite mother-in-law asked me about it, and so here I am (thank you).
A promise is a promise. On the wall of my yoga studio, there is an inspirational poster with an angel on it. It says something like, Each time you break your word, the angels lose a bet that they placed on you. I know I mangled it. The first time I saw it, I thought, I have to keep my word from now on (I was in an inspirational kind of mood). The second time, I saw it, I decided not to make any words.
I loved writing everyday. Momentum is a powerful physical concept. Like gravity pull, momentum’s force pushes us forward in our projects. Everything is physics. Recently I have started to meditate for 5-10 minutes a day. It is a small personal commitment to myself. I realize that most of the answers to people’s neurosis lies in meditation. I am good at diagnosing other people’s neurosis. It is much easier than dealing with my own. People confide in me and I offer my prescriptions if asked. It is usually some sort of combination of therapy, meditation, good food habits and movement . I do believe that a nice combination of those things will get anyone happy again. But when I looked at my own life, I found the meditation entirely missing for years now. So I started. Baby steps.
After my Vipassana 10 day silent meditation retreat when I was pregnant, I discovered the full potential of meditation. This is where I learned for the first time what meditation is. It would take many posts to retell that story but the short version is I understood the change that I could have in my life if I control my own brain.
It has been few weeks since I started again and I realize how challenging it is to sit for 5 minutes and not think about anything except for my own breath. On the other hand, it is liberation. It is a moment of peace. Sometime during meditation, a troubling thought comes in and I feel like I owe to myself to explore the thought fully. And then, Eureka, I can’t, sorry thought, I am meditating, I have to focus on my breath leaving my nose. Instantly, I am relieved of the thought. This process makes me reevaluate all of life. It can be as easy as choosing not to think the negative thought or as hard as constantly feeling that you have to make the wrong choice. Nothing is happening but I feel that I have to sit here and think about gloom and doom.
The other day, I wrote, all fingers point to this. I never said what. The what was meditation. I said it because synchronicity is happening again. I open a book and it is talking about meditation. I over hear a conversation and it is about meditation. I start writing this blog, and all I want to talk about is meditation.
I am sleepy but I did it.
I had to post this video, it is fun to see again.