The Gut

2:55 pm
I hate to be repetitive but life seems to repeat itself.  Until I learn a certain lesson, and even then, I get reminders.  Sometimes I am allowed to pass through the  gates into the next repetitive lesson.  I thought that ones my career is figured out, I would transcend into a new state of being.  A realm where I am happy all the time, frolicking to work.  I would get there and make shiny jewelry that everyone loves.

Since I started making the jewelry seven years ago, my life is filled with positive affirmations from the outside world.  “You are so talented, I love your jewelry, it is the only jewelry I wear, you are so creative, how do you think of your designs.”  I smile and I am truly thankful for the gifts.  I love all the pieces that I make.  When I see people wear them, I am in heaven.  On top of it, I have two greatest helpers with my task.  What more can a girl ask for.

Apparently more.  I bumped into a friend of mine, who is a musician.  Since I’ve known him, I was amazed at his talent.  His ability to perform on stage with ease and humor.  His music inspired me.  I bought the cd and listened to it at home, I knew the songs.  When we started talking he told me that he is rethinking all his music stuff.  He told me that he did not think he had real talent.  His instrument came very hard for him, he practiced a lot.  I told him that everyone has to practice.  There is no such thing as just talent, it is only hard work that makes a talent into a pro.

We had a gut calling in life and we answered the call.  I responded to jewelry and he responded to music.  After exploring our gut, we found that the gut has another gut.  The gut of the gut, as he said that day.  We laughed.  I agree.  Lost in the gut of my gut and trying to find the gut of all guts.  There is no gut, it is just one long tube.

Just write, she said.  Read the last paragraph and write more.  You can have things come up but not things like procrastination.  No avoiding it.  Why would I avoid the thing I love the most.  I gave up on improv when it got hard.  I could not sleep anymore.  I feared the shows.  I lost my edge.  I was told I had talent but I did not work for it.  I was too nervous and I gave up.  I loved the classes, the learning and the laughing, but the stress of getting in front of people with no script was too much.  Now I get to improv and edit, it seems right but it is not funny.  If I was at a bar reading this, maybe you would laugh.  It is after all the comedy of my life.

Do not end it for people.  Do not wrap it up into a story with a moral.

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