I wish it wasn’t called miscarriage. It makes it seem like I was carrying something and then I missed. I dropped it and into the toilet of all places. It should be called something more discreet, something a little less blamey.
Maybe I can call it DBB which can stand for Death Before Birth.
Then I can tell people, I had my third DBB and not feel the original sin that every woman has held onto since they read about it and collectively believed it, that I did something wrong.
In Judaism, to sin is to miss the mark. Maybe I missed the mark when I got angry that day, or when I picked up the groceries, or when I stayed up too late talking with my friends. Maybe I have too much stress in my life, too much sadness, too much pain that the baby did not want to come into this world through me.
But if it was called DBB, maybe I can be left alone to feel sad. I can just mourn and not worry whether I carried or miscarried.
Olia Rights 
too personal – shouldn’t posted – you do like this second time. Are you thinking about what are you posted or just typing
I disagree! Only her can decide what’s too personal or not! She must be free to do whatever she feels. Are you afraid about her been honesty?
Love you Olia!!!!!
Olia, I’m glad you shared this because it will resonate with so many others. Love you.
I never had a miscarriage and would think it did not exist if people did not share. I never adopted a child, and would not know what it feels like if people did not share their experiences. I never competed in sports, and would not know the joy of it if people did not share. I can go on, and the point I’m making is that we learn about richness of life ONLY because someone steps out and takes time and crosses the line of privacy and propriety and tells us, the observers and listeners, their personal story.
People who share are not afraid to be open about their life. They realize that there is nothing to hide, and there is nothing to fear. Life is short, we come, and go, and leave our stories on topics that burn. The topic we chose and the way we describe it is what makes is special and unique. And we want to be seen, loved, and accepted as special and unique. Our stories is like show time, a chance to show ourselves to the world. The worst the world can do in reply is to shut us down. But the story will stay nevertheless, the bird is out.
Also, those who share do not have to be writers of any kind, they just feel they must share their story. But there is not a single great writer, now and in all generations that came before us, who did not come from one simple desire, a desire to share stories that burn their hearts. They are always based on personal experiences. And we, the readers know it, even if we read fiction.
The great artist and director Fellini once said that the more personal your expression the more universal it becomes, so keep on digging deep and sharing your heart, it is healing for you to write and insightful for others to read these thoughts that they too may feel. Your are a brave warrior!
Love you and miss you!
Thank you Jess!