Monthly Archives: November 2013

the Hat

The problem with having expensive things is loosing them.  

I got a nice hat recently.  A part of myself felt like I was the character in Bob Dylan’s song, the one with the leopard skin pillbox hat.  I felt cool in my wool, tweed brown, bowler hat with feathers on the side.  I put it down on subway seat next to me, waiting for the Q train and took the train to the City.  I only realized that it was gone when I was crossing Manhattan Bridge.  I wonder who is wearing my hat now.  And I wonder if they feel as cool as me.  Maybe even more, because they got it for free.  

It’s only a material possesion, I thought, but how much better would it be to walk into the party with my special hat on.  

The ego is a powerful dream that gives stregth and torture.



Alyssa’s brother

Alyssa’s brother died.  Beautiful Alyssa and her only little brother.  He was strong and handsome when I met him years ago.  They were born eleven months apart and called themselves Irish twins.  Cancer is an epidemic of our time.  Cholera, black death, Aids, but where is Cancer on this list.  Cancer has no bounds anymore, it takes anyone of any age.  We sit quietly, scared that it might take one of us and it does.  It took my precious Lucy and now it has taken Alyssa’s brother only at thirty-seven.  But no one blames Cancer, it is life we blame.  It is luck, or fate or God that we blame.  It is not fair, it is awful that a young man with two small kids, only one and three years old, should be taken like that.

What is going on?  And why are we half awake.

“Oh, That is sad. That’s tragic,” the ones who didn’t know him say.

I only met him few times, but his light was strong enough to bring me to a day of mourning today.  I picture his wife, who I met when they were still dating, she had a great vibe and I picture her face now, imagining what she must feel.  His family can’t be the same.  His children will grow up without knowing their amazing father.

They recently bought their dream house, Alyssa told me, and on his last day, he went to sit by the lake outside his home.  He finally made it.  He wanted to be in nature.

It it is painful to watch life unfold in vicious ways.

God, do you hear us?

Whatever love I have, I send it out to your mourning families.

Before I heard the news today, I was frustrated about my day.  I lost my hat yesterday and later last night, I lost one of my gold earrings.  How could I loose so much stuff in one night, I thought.  So many things that I loved.


Today I was sick again.  My body had chills and fever and my chest was full ungodliness.  I used to be a sickly child, my mom said.  I didn’t go to kindergarden because I would get sick so often, so … Continue reading