I only had few hours to work today. It was a shame to start something that I couldn’t finish so I didn’t start anything. I bounced aimlessly from one short task to another, feeling the pressure of passing time. With so little time to waste and a nanny on the clock, to procrastinate like that is illegal.
In my aimless internet meander, I ended up blog surfing. From one blog to the next, reading what my comrades have to say. One after another the souls splayed open for everyone to see. Shamelessly debriefing their fears, hopes and dreams. Experimenting with the search for truth, all in different ways.
In my sad state of procrastination my first reaction was of shear horror. I thought I was special in my quest. Me, the brave warrior. Why should I bother with this freakish exposure if I am not special. I am just another whiny voice along with millions of others, describing my inner most insecurities and exaggerated discoveries. It is all a waste of time and it is embarrassingly narcissistic.
I got myself out of the house. I did stuff. Stuff that was on the piece of paper in my bag. I crossed out, with pride, lines of that piece of paper and added more lines to cross out later. I got myself to a coffee shop for a holy hour of writing. And nothing came. Just boring venting about my life of having everything I ever wanted. Nothing blog worthy, not even therapist worthy.
And then it came to me, a thought. I am honored to be a part of this blog revolution. Or revelation. When is the last time in history that millions of people happily divulged their innermost truths for the world to read? Proudly, these warriors are all shining the light on their humanity for the sake of finding themselves but also in the hopes of helping others find themselves. That is why we aren’t just keeping diaries This is not something to take lightly, something powerful is happening here.
In the light, I don’t care if I am just one voice in a million. When anyone is on a creative path and everyone is on a creative path, they start with this questioning. Why would I be special enough to be “the one”? That question comes up in all of us. That question came up for me when I started jewelry and now it is back again. The question discourages people from ever living to their potentials. The question is wrong. The point is not to be “the one,” but just to be one. One whole being. One of a whole. One true self.
A dear blogger friend Blue answered the question for me with a quote that have since tattooed on my heart.
“You wouldn’t have the desire if you didn’t have the ability to achieve it.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.